Padre
Pictured above: From hang gliding over Hana, Maui, to hiking Waimea Canyon in Kauai, Dr. Pfister enjoys quality “dad time” with his wife and sons.
We certainly have been blessed with amazing weather this Spring and early Summer, with the least humid May / early June ever (according to Channel Eight and their meteorological records). But we were staring down the possibility of drought conditions and the collateral damages that ensue from lack of rain early in the growing period of Northern Ohio. Thank goodness for the gentle and prolonged rain earlier this week to stimulate our lawns just in time for this weekend and dad having to cut grass on Father’s Day!
“Woah there, Dr. P., that is old-fashioned thinking. A lot of moms do the grass cutting.”
And my readers are right.
The world and the American family have definitely changed since I was a boy in Hinckley.
In the 60s, dads were still the general bread winners and moms kept the house and family in check. The Pfister family, back then, was no different, with my father being a staunch German and my mom a first generation Russian speaking broken English.
Dad sat at the head of the table and all were expected to be there for dinner, or have a darn good excuse, every night! There were no cellphone interruptions… and the only traveling that sports teams did was from Medina to Brunswick. The family unit was tight and, in most cases (at least in my ethnic upbringing with many uncles and aunts), dads were at the helm.
Today, it is quite a different story… with divorce rates escalating, economy issues forcing both parents to work, and each of the children going in different directions every night for travel sports.
Yes, the evening meal is done many nights on-the-run and often in the back seat of the family roadster. As all the parental chores are now being shared between mom and dad, or just mom in many cases, the role of Dad has changed from my day of sovereign bread winner to today’s role as coach, trusted listener, and confidant.
I purposely said Dad’s role has changed and I do not feel it has been diminished or eliminated, as I suspect some political groups may lead you to believe. In fact, it is only my opinion, but I feel dads are needed more today than ever before. Not in the role of demonstrative leader, but as a co-organizer of the ever-increasing complexity of the business called running a family.
Moms have a tough time being in three different places at the same time; and there are only so many physically-able grandparents to go around! My dad never coached any of the sports that my siblings or I were involved in, but back then dads were always at work.
I coached or assistant-coached every sport that both my boys were in (thank goodness there were four years between them) until they hit seventh grade. Once in seventh grade, my areas of expertise had expired and you needed a degree to coach. Thus, my wife and I became the ever-present cheerleader and shoulder to cry on when the score wasn’t favorable to our team.
Today’s dads have had to learn to juggle their schedules to balance family, spouse, and business time, similar to how moms have done for years!
Most of us dads know that our wives have that one intuitive power that helps them in stressful times, the nurturing instincts of motherhood! Shared by most of the females in the animal world, as the old saying goes, “Don’t mess with the mama bear, especially if she is with cubs!”
As men, we accept this reality.
But I firmly believe, after working with families for over 30 years, that an energy exists within both parents that, if utilized in a synergistic way, produces a sum that is greater than the parts…
And this synergy does not have to be located under the same roof, but I feel it can manifest itself when regular encounters of each parent with the children occurs.
Regularly, I have had to give multiple retainer/Invisalign containers to the patient so one can always be at a parent’s house when the child is there. I have listened to these patients over the years and even quizzed them on how each of their parents view treatment. Yes, moms usually are more emotional, but they can also play the tough love card quicker than most of us dads.
I love having dads come into the office for the first time. Most feel uncomfortable and unsure, but quickly catch on and generate great dialogue about their child’s progress and treatment goals...
My best story is from a couple years ago. I was treating a very prominent Medina judge’s daughter. We were having good conversation and, once he warmed up and dropped the judge persona, I asked him if he would make his daughter’s next appointment.
He looked straight at me and said, “You give me too much credit. I’m only a judge. My wife handles the more important matters in life!”
This statement speaks volumes in several areas. The judge didn’t let a prestigious job title cloud his judgement on what each of the parent’s roles were. And he didn’t waste time competing for head-of-the-table status. He was just happy to be at the table. In the end, his daughter’s best interest was the only thing that really mattered! This is, in my estimation, the new-age role of dads. Gone is the figurehead model of our parents. Enter the team approach that harnesses the innate strengths of both parents and synergistically channels them for the child’s best interest.
Though I only had a dad for a brief period in my life (he passed when I was 15), watching him as a Sunday school teacher and insurance agent taught me people skills that I did not realize I had until years later.
He took me fishing in Florida as a child, taught me how to hunt wild boar in Tennessee at eight, and how to harpoon sharks off the Florida Keys by ten. Though the lessons ended much too soon, I feel dads can make an influence in their child’s life through quality time if quantity isn’t possible.
My boys, out of college, still comment on the great times that we had with the other dads and their sons in Indian Guides over 15 years ago! They were simple times filled with genuine conversation around campfires, wearing the same clothes for three days, remembering toothpaste but no toothbrush… and these boys still became men!
Dads may not have all the answers, but as long as we keep tryin’, this world will be better for it.
This Father’s Day, let us honor all the dads who helped bring us into the world, shared their DNA with us, and have taught us skills that we must use to make this world a better place so that our children will have the future they so richly deserve.
Padre, this one’s for you.
“Chuck” Pfister