GPS for Y-O-U
Dr. Pfister hikes a Hawaiian Buddhist forest in a quest for enlightenment.
Hope all my readers and their families are weathering the back-to-school routine, as we sort out school supplies and wardrobes in as organized a military fashion as possible… and prepare ours and our children’s minds and bodies for the early morning separation from our pillows.
May I remind my readers about what we talked about in the last blog (namely, that most of the decisions being made under 26 years of age are based on purely emotional judgement — and not rational thought — due to the late development of a human’s rational decision-making frontal cortex of the brain)?
This may give some justification for parental acceptance of hair, eye, and clothing color choice by the teen, along with the parental head-nodding of unanswerable questions asked over the breakfast table like, “Why does Calculus have to be at 8 am in the morning?” And though both groups are coming from two very diverse brain-directed formats, both are actually striving to achieve a similar goal — to develop a career and be happy for the rest of their lives as productive citizens. Whereas, my generation often followed in our parent’s footsteps and, in some cases, went to school as our parents directed (and paid for), using our parent’s rational thought pattern (even though many of us may have had no interest or skill set to be successful).
The more I work with today’s youth, the more impressed I am with their honesty and transparency in their decision-making, along with a fairly strong outcome-based foundation of action.
When discussing treatment options for today’s youth, my staff and I have to spend considerable time eye-to-eye with the patient, going over how the outcome will benefit them for life and the consequences of doing nothing. Gone are the days you just put a patient into braces because the family dentist said to! Especially with the advent of Invisalign®, where I need 110% cooperation for a successful outcome, I need to know that the patient understands their critical role in successful treatment and that they are committed to completing the task at hand. When presented in this mature fashion, even though the research shows their answer will be from the emotional brain, today’s youth emotionally want to look better, be more confident, and be more successful in life (and with the opposite gender).
I have had some very interesting chair-side discussions with youth when going over treatment options, and again have been very impressed with their answers for and against treatment.
Many times, it gives me faith in our future that today’s youth, provided the proper nurturing and guidance, will become successful adults and parents themselves down the road. So if we go beyond the everyday simple decisions, what as adults and parents do we say and do to help our children, especially the ones on the threshold of adulthood as they contemplate career pathways?
The answer came to me in a multi-directional fashion and is truly my opinion. But it is based on influences and guidance from others who felt all youth don’t have to make the same mistakes they made.
Contemplating my Freshman Fall semester at the College of Wooster, my first class was Introduction to Philosophy, taught by the chairman of the department, who was a very accomplished sage in his own right (complete with a flowing Dumbledore beard). One of his statements I’ll never forget as he addressed us early on was, “Most students come here looking for an education. If the truth be known, it would be time better-spent if they tried to find themselves.”
Several years later, in his opening remarks, Dr. Tom DeMarco (addressing my freshman dental class at Case) said, “I must quote Henry David Thoreau. Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after!” Dr. DeMarco went on to say that he hoped we would find satisfaction in our career and in our lives.
Over the years, I have had the privilege of being in the audience of some very dynamic and motivating speakers, from business motivational mogul Zig Ziglar to the astounding Rev. Billy Graham at Cleveland municipal stadium.
In the next few paragraphs, I will try to distill down to the five inherent qualities that all successful individuals I have heard or met share in common…
These salient qualities are the ones I feel we need to nurture and foster in our children in order to help them find themselves and be successful in life. I also feel that everyone has a different definition of success and that there are varying degrees of success. But simply put, I will define success as being happy with oneself and those around you and being a productive member of society who is excited about getting up every morning to convert goals to reality.
Quality #1 - Intent.
I think it is difficult, if not impossible, to be successful if one does not make a conscious effort to do so and personally believe that as a goal, it is worth achieving. They say the first step to solving a problem is realizing one exists. I’ll put a different twist on it and say, once the intent to achieve this goal is realized, the steps to accomplish this goal will be accepted, knowing that the ends will justify the means. Those wanting to be a physician or astronaut accept the challenge that after many years of post-high school education, being an MD or circling the earth will be worth it. And thus we move into our second quality of successful people, which is their ability to focus.
Quality #2 - Focus.
I would term this as the art of concentrating on the ball or desired goal and not being distracted by the crowd. All of us have a certain skill set or attributes that allow us to be good at some things and very mediocre at others. Our challenge as parents is to help our kids focus on the important matters in life and spend less time on the frivolities, but emotional decisions will choose frivolity in the majority of times!
My wife and I, as parents of two boys, have always tried to help our children focus on their strengths and try to strengthen their weaknesses, if possible. But a limit needs to be set on just how much time and effort can be expended on weaknesses, for in the end, not everyone can succeed at everything.
My son spent four frustrating years focusing on being a successful basketball player. We helped him focus on every facet of the game to see where he could excel. In the end, he spent most games warming the bench. He left the sport as a sophomore, went out for shot and disc, and received a college scholarship in track his senior year! Yes, we were focusing on the goal, but we failed to appreciate the third quality, the fine art of awareness of one’s skill set.
Quality #3 - Awareness.
This is a tough subject for a young person to come to grips with. Age and life experiences hone our awareness of our personal abilities. But awareness can be strengthened, sooner rather than later, by paying attention to those around you who are already achieving success with similar skills and training. We have all heard the old saying that our Divine Creator gave us two ears, two eyes, and one mouth… in order that we listen and observe twice as much as we speak.
Today’s vocational schools are a great way to get a feel for many different career pathways; and then there is college to help an individual sort out their strengths and possible interests. I personally believe there is a misconception that going to college will make one a smarter person. In reality, most professors would agree you already have the intelligence… college tries to help you sort it out. And I truly believe not all students are ready for careers or college at the same time! Finishing high school is great, but especially with our males, slowing down the higher education journey gives one more time to increase their awareness of who they are!
The art of awareness is not static; it needs to be constantly reviewed and changed, if necessary, to meet our ever-changing goals and our ever-changing mental and physical state as we keep focused on the game of life. Now that we have the three core qualities that are the foundation of success, let’s look at that special, hard-to-define attribute called passion.
Quality #4 - Passion.
Passion is that driving force that lives somewhere between your heart and your soul. It makes you want to get up every morning to achieve a goal and then, after almost completing it, you get up the next day and go after it again. I would like to call passion that spark in life that ignites the burning drive of intent, as we keep focused on our goals in life. Passion cannot be bought and is not found in pills. Rather, I feel it comes from finally understanding oneself, as an individual, and what our life mission is.
Passion is what has kept two of my staff with me over 35 years, two over 25 years, and three over 15 years (trust me, it’s not my great hair). It’s the fact that once you have found your personal mission in life, success comes every minute of every day as you continue your journey. Passion fuels my desire to move teeth in better ways, to deliver a superior orthodontic experience for my patients, and to help young people develop more confidence in themselves.
In essence, passion is my biological alarm clock that wakes me up every morning! I don’t feel we can teach our youth passion. But we can lead by example and through mentoring. We can convey, many times nonverbally, the importance of passion as it fuels our drive through life.
Finally, the quality that I feel today’s youth are most-lacking (and in the end might just be the most important) is patience… because without patience, an individual may never take the time to develop any or all of the above four qualities!
Quality #5 - Patience.
Since I first became an orthodontist, all I have ever heard is, “When am I getting my braces off?” as soon as the upper six front teeth look good. Rarely am I asked if the molars are correct or the TMJ, temporomandibular joints, are balanced. “Just get me done, I want out!”
I have been known to use such intellectual answers as, “Rome wasn’t built in a day!” or “In driver’s education we learned that speed kills!” Today’s youth will not respond well to these answers any more. Consider their upbringing and how it has been so vastly different from anyone over 32 years of age. They have been raised in a high-speed electronic era, coupled with a strong desire for immediate gratification. The thought of ten years of education post high school will terminate many MD hopefuls, even though they would have made some of the most passionate and focused caregivers this planet has ever seen!
Teaching patience, like passion, isn’t done well from books, but better learned from observing adults around them.
Well there you have it — my concise list of human qualities that are shared by successful individuals who have taken the time and effort to discover their special skill sets, passionately channel their energies, and realize the completion of many of their goals.
As parents, we must strive every day to demonstrate these qualities as we go through life. The youth around us need positive, motivating mentors to lead by example and help the next generation find success in what they do (and, perhaps more importantly, to understand who they are).
If you’re a parent or adult…
Call up a niece, nephew, or relative this weekend and just tell them you were thinking about them and wondering how they were doing. Know any student in college? Write them a note, put a little cash in, call them up, or really go all-out and set up a time for lunch and just listen to them. You will be impressed at what you learn (and it might not do you any harm in better-understanding who you are).
And if you’re a young person transitioning to the adult world…
Seek out parents and mentors who can demonstrate, by example, the qualities of intent, focus, awareness, passion, and patience. Remember, they won’t be perfect either, but if they make these qualities priorities in their lives, chances are they’re worth looking up to.
Cheers to your (and my) lifelong pursuit of positive qualities,
Dr. Pfister