What Will Be Your Legacy?
Dr. Pfister in an introspective state at Lake Tahoe (February 2020), his last time leaving Ohio before COVID swept the globe.
Isn’t it interesting how the human mind works?
Sometimes we can’t remember what we had for breakfast, but a conversation will come to mind that we had 30 or 40 years ago.
I was in deep conversation recently with a retired dentist, who had quite a few regrets about his life and the things that he wished he would have made time for… but didn’t.
About the time I felt the discussion couldn’t get more depressing, well, it did. Seems a large number of the regrets centered around not having helped those around him and those less fortunate. As the discussion continued, my friend, pondering all the things he hadn’t done, began to wonder what his legacy would be once he was gone. How would people remember him… or would they?
At that mysterious point in the discussion, a conversation that I had as a senior dental student with my clinical director came to mind.
My director, at that time in his late 50s, had been so totally engrossed in his career, that he had not found the time or person to marry and subsequently, had no progeny to carry on the family name. With tears in his eyes, his despair was tough for me to witness. (At the time, I was a mere dental student hoping to graduate soon.)
My director was hoping to change his life in the time he had left on earth. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “When you leave here, go out and make a difference in the world. And for goodness sakes, live with few regrets and create the best damn legacy you can.”
Several weeks later, he called me into his office and had me sit down. “Charles, I want you to be the first to know… next week I’m proposing to my secretary and I hope to marry her this summer. If you tell anyone, you won’t graduate! Would you like to see the ring?” With excitement and uncertainty beaming from his face (like a high school senior going to Prom), he said, “I’m changing my life and I hope it’s not too late.”
I assured him it wasn’t. We shook hands and yes, that Spring, two men’s lives changed through a graduation and a wedding. I told that story 30 years later at his funeral. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Judging by the packed room and all the travel pictures on the memory boards around the room, the couple had done it all and Doc proved you can make up for lost time!
So how is your life going? Why do we always seem to put off for tomorrow what we could have done today?
Yes, we all have that classic bucket list of places we want to go, good deeds we’d like to accomplish, people who could use our help (or people to whom we could at least lend a listening ear), but we just don’t do it.
Covid has been a double-edged sword. It’s kept us from traveling as much as we would like, but it has given us more spare time to do the “little” things that I truly feel are the really important things that give one’s life meaning. Taking food to a shut-in, working at a soup kitchen, or just sending someone a handwritten thank-you card or thinking-of-you card… all these things can really brighten another’s life. (Sure, dropping someone a text can be nice. And maybe I’m aging myself here, but I feel going a step further is extra special.)
I feel I must add one more clarifier to doing the little things that mean so much to others. Timing! Think of someone you know who always seems to do the right thing. Really think not only about what they do, but when! They are usually the first ones to do something right after a calamity in someone’s life. They step up and let their heart guide them and not what might be perceived as socially correct or what others tell them to do.
Personally, I have held back doing something for someone, waiting for the “correct” time… and then the opportunity simply disappeared. When it feels right, do it. Think about it later.
I must say, if you could do as much as reasonably possible to brighten at least one person’s life a month and set that as an example for others to follow, you would have few regrets and leave behind an incredible legacy!
Yes, some people build railroads, while others build ships, and still others create pizza empires; and those are truly amazing legacies. But for those of us with common last names… no grandparents on Wall Street… those of us that have to dial up for pizza… just because our legacies may not be as grandiose or far-reaching as others, it doesn’t make them any less important. Especially to those we have helped along the way.
My point in writing this is that one of the biggest regrets that people have relayed to me at the end of their life’s journey is the fact that, since they had resolved they couldn’t do anything great, they didn’t do anything at all!
Maybe they didn’t go to college, or weren’t making the big bucks, or living in the big house. Whatever the mental stigma was that held them back, they just did nothing. It’s the classic Good Samaritan story in the Bible. But it’s not just a story. It’s lived out every day, in every city, and yes, even in Medina County!
So when you are out on one of your walks, or even stuck in traffic, consider 2021 as the year you change your life and begin creating that simple but positive legacy - a legacy that helps others and creates a positive wave of energy that makes this world a better place because you made a difference and did something!
It’s never too late to make your mark. If you can help even one person, your life will have had meaning.
Good Thoughts. Good Words. Good Deeds. No Regrets.
- Chuck Pfister